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December 25th, 2005
03:25 pm - MCHHJK
MERRY CHRISTMAST, HAPPY (C)HANNUKAH, JOYOUS KWANZAA!
Chicago is rainy and cloudy and blech. I'm going back to Brooklyn tomorrow. I'm actually finally in the mood to just hang out here in Chicago for at least another few days. But I miss Danny terribly and it'll be nice to just get some extra dinero and what not.
Also, I had a lovely little dinner at the Daley's yesterday, it's good to see everyone.
I'm also amassing a team of specialists at the University of Chicago for Mom.
Um, what else? I gave mom some Jacques Torres chocolate and I want my tongue to always be smothered in it. C'est (s?)ci bon!
Oh and I've started to talk to this Spaniard I met in Iceland one random night who was totally fuckin' awesome. To find yourself in a little coffee shop in Aakureyri at the Arctic Circle speaking Spanish with some guy and some kids from Japan? How nuts is this place?!
Oh, one last thing, my Dad got me BU(LL)SHIT!: An A-Z guide to the Bush Attack on Truth, Justice, Equality and the American Way of Life. Oh pops, you know me so well.
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November 23rd, 2005
03:14 am - Chicago
I'm back in Chicago. It's like I'm being carried through by the ghost of Thanksgiving Day past.
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October 20th, 2005
09:34 pm - I forgot I had this...
MONDAY AFTERNOON, 1-2 P.M. OROZCO ROOM, THE NEW SCHOOL, 7TH FLOOR.
I'm giving a lecture on rapid global climate change. You better show up bitches, I'm doing a slideshow. Email me with questions.
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July 27th, 2005
08:25 pm - Gave Up
I gave up on this thing a while back, just check out my Blogger site:
http://cvaldaisnotbig.blogger.com
Or my Flickr site:
http://flickr.com/photos/cvalda/
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May 25th, 2005
09:02 pm
Dispatches From Couples Therapy.
BY WENDY MOLYNEUX AND JEFF DRAKE
- - - -
Session One
DR. MANSFIELD: OK, we're going to start with a very simple exercise. Jeff, I want you to fill in the blank. In order to make this relationship better, I could ...
JEFF: Um, listen more?
DR. MANSFIELD: Great. Listening is always good. OK, now, Wendy, I— Wow.
WENDY: Yes?
DR. MANSFIELD: Sorry, it's just that I really like the color of that sweater. It's very nice.
WENDY: Thank you.
JEFF: Yeah, you look great.
DR. MANSFIELD: Nice try, Jeff.
Session Two
DR. MANSFIELD: OK, Jeff. Fill in the blank. The best thing about Wendy is her ...
JEFF: Smile.
DR. MANSFIELD: Try again.
JEFF: Eyes?
DR. MANSFIELD: (makes buzzer sound)
JEFF: Sense of humor.
DR. MANSFIELD: The correct answer is tits.
Session Three
DR. MANSFIELD: So let's try a little fill in the blank, Jeff. When I get ...
JEFF: Are we ever going to do anything but fill in the blanks?
DR. MANSFIELD: I'm sorry, did you graduate magna cum laude from Stanford?
JEFF: No, but I was just asking—
DR. MANSFIELD: Or maybe you have the No. 3 book on the New York Times nonfiction bestseller list?
JEFF: I'm sorry. I spoke out of turn.
DR. MANSFIELD: I'll say you did. Just fill in the blank.
JEFF: OK.
DR. MANSFIELD: When I get a prostitute, it's because Wendy doesn't ...
JEFF: Wait. I've never gotten a prostitute.
DR. MANSFIELD: Please just do the exercise. When I waste money on hookers, it's because Wendy isn't ...
JEFF: This is ridiculous.
DR. MANSFIELD: You're ridiculous.
Session Four
DR. MANSFIELD: OK, today we are going to try some role-playing.
JEFF: Oh, no.
DR. MANSFIELD: OK, Wendy, you are going to be a Wild West saloon girl and I'll be a cowboy. Let's begin.
JEFF: Wait, what am I?
DR. MANSFIELD: You're a monkey.
JEFF: Why am I a monkey?
DR. MANSFIELD: Tsk tsk. Do monkeys talk?
JEFF: Sorry.
DR. MANSFIELD: OK, now, Wendy, come over here and sit on my lap.
JEFF: No way.
DR. MANSFIELD: I'm a lonely cowboy, and I haven't seen a woman in months. How about a kiss, beer wench?
JEFF: OK, cowboys don't say "wench." That's just historically inaccurate.
DR. MANSFIELD: Please pardon my monkey. He keeps yowling. And he's a liar.
WENDY: That's OK. He's cute!
DR. MANSFIELD: No, he's not. He smells. He doesn't make very much money. And, apparently, he doesn't own anything other than cargo pants.
JEFF: That's it. We're leaving.
DR. MANSFIELD: Wait. No! Let's try another one! I'm a priest and Wendy's a choirgirl and Jeff is a stupid fucking idiot.
Session Five
WENDY: So, Mr. Stanley—
DR. STANLEY: Dr. Stanley.
WENDY: Sorry. Anyway, Doctor, we were a little less than satisfied with our last therapist.
JEFF: He broke into our apartment and stole a bunch of Wendy's underwear.
DR. STANLEY: You're angry, Jeff. And that's OK. That's healthy. It's also powerful, manly, and hot.
JEFF: Um, thanks?
DR. STANLEY: Does anyone mind if I take off my pants?
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08:59 pm
"Yesterday"
BY THE BEATLES
In the recent past, every one of my dilemmas gave the impression of being so distantly absent.
At the present, it seems as though they're at this time to hang about.
Oh, I accept as true the recent past.
Abruptly, I'm not partially the gentleman I used to exist as.
There's a silhouette suspended on top of me.
Oh, the recent past approached abruptly.
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08:57 pm
PICKUP LINES USED BY MARIO.
By Christopher Doody
"Are you a magic feather? Because my heart just grew a tail, and flew away."
"If you were a warp tube, I'd be in you all day."
"Are you a magic mushroom? Because you are making me grow."
"Are you a magic flower? Because you are burning me up."
"I'd rather ride you than Yoshi any day."
"If Princess Toad looked liked you, I would have killed Bowser years ago."
"If I had the choice, I would gladly spend my 100 coins on you instead of on an extra life."
"You don't have to turn on a game to play with me."
"They don't call me Super for nothing."
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May 18th, 2005
06:27 pm
So I'm back home finally, but the Internet is down. So, I lied. I'm actually at the Starbucks on Lincoln and Roscoe, in Chicago.
But alas I just bought my ticket to Alaska. June 7th to Aug. 23rd.
New York City was fun and depressing at the same time. Lunch with the Veep of Bloomingdale's atop the Met, dancing with Gideon Yago and the uber-gay from Project Runway at the MisShapes party at Luke & Leroy's, 12 week ritualistic sleepovers, wine by way of mug on the boy's couch in the street in Chelsea... the usual.
So yeah, that's that. Hope all's well with you all.
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May 7th, 2005
10:01 pm
There will six hundred and four thousand eight hundred seconds for those of you residing in the New York metropolitan area starting Tuesday afternoon to bask in my glory.
Can you feel the love?
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08:11 pm
The bitch is back. What more can I say?
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March 23rd, 2005
12:35 pm
Current Music: Spilled Milk Factory-Ugly Casanova-Sharpen Your Teeth
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March 10th, 2005
10:30 pm
Never am I ever where I ever really am.
I'm looking for the greenest--always.
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04:10 pm
My horoscope said I needed to have some personal time. This is what I did with it.
(X) snuck out of a house
(X) gotten lost in your city
(X) saw a shooting star
(x) been to any other countries besides the united states
( ) had a serious surgery
(X) gone out in public in your pajamas
(X) kissed a stranger
(X) hugged a stranger
(X) been in a fist fight
( ) been arrested
(X) done drugs
(X) had alcohol
(X) laughed and had milk/coke come out of your nose
(X) pushed all the buttons on an elevator
(X) made out in an elevator
( ) slept in an elevator
(X) swore at your parents
( ) kicked a guy where it hurts
(X) been in love
(X) been close to love
( ) been to a casino
( ) been skydiving
( ) broken a bone
(X) been high
(X) skinny-dipped
(X) skipped school
( ) flashed someone
( ) done the splits
(X) played spin the bottle
(X) gotten stitches
(X) had an IV
( ) drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour
(X) bitten someone
( ) been to Niagara Falls
(X) gotten the chicken pox
( ) crashed into a friend's car
( ) been to Japan
(X) ridden in a taxi
( ) been dumped
(X) shoplifted
( ) been fired
(X) had a crush on someone of the same sex
(X) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
(X) stole something from your job
(X) gone on a blind date
(X) lied to a friend
(X) had a crush on a teacher
( ) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans
(X) been to Europe
( ) slept with a co-worker
( ) been married
( ) gotten divorced
( ) had children
( ) saw someone die
( ) been to Africa
(X) Driven over 400 miles in one day
( ) Been to Canada
( ) Been to Mexico
(X) Been on a plane
(X) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
(X) Thrown up in a bar
( ) Purposely set a part of yourself on fire
(X) Eaten Sushi
(X) Been snowboarding
(X) Met someone in person from the internet
(X) Been moshing at a rock show
( ) Cut yourself on purpose
( ) Been to a moto cross show
( ) lost a child
(X) gone to college
( ) graduated college
( ) done hard drugs (Ectasy Does Counts)
( ) tried killing yourself
(X) taken painkillers
(X) love someone or miss someone right now
That last bit was a bit depressing, eh?
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March 9th, 2005
08:37 pm
Never have I ever had a more erotic class then today when I learned about the 4 stroke diesel engine.
Suck
Squeeze
Bang
Blow
Lubricate the head of the shaft of the piston.
My GOD.
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February 27th, 2005
11:21 am
WORST
NIGHT
EVER
It took a lot of will power to stay alive this morning, let's just leave it at that.
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February 16th, 2005
05:53 pm
In case you've been wondering where I am, I fell off the earth and landed in Cape Cod. My new temporary LJ is at:
Cvalda_at_sea
Look it up bitches.
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February 4th, 2005
03:51 pm
I take back whatever I said about LaCie before, they just returned my hard drive with all my photos on it, sans ones taken from the time I bought my Digital Rebel to the summer of '04.
PHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWW!
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February 3rd, 2005
05:11 pm
I've launched a second journal for my time at SEA which you can reach here:
http://www.livejournal.com/users/cvalda_at_sea/
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04:42 pm
So I sit on the chair and the woman puts a thing on my nose and then a man sticks a needle in me which I see filling up with blood. Then the woman who put the thing on my nose puts things on my wrists and a thing on my index finger, stands besides me and says,"Alright, where do we want to go today?" and then she says, "How about New Zealand."
Two hours later I wake up on a cot in a different room like this, my mouth stuffed of gauze:
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